Weight of an Echo
by Lady Genjutsu
Summary: Borus' death leaves Percival grappling with questions about the ethics and distant possibility of pursuing a relationship with Chris. Follow up to "Last Sound".


Disclaimer: Percival, Chris, Borus, and all those suiko characters do not belong to me.  
  
Summary: Borus' death leaves Percival grappling with questions about the ethics and distant possibility of pursuing a relationship with Chris. Follow up to "Last Sound".  
  
A/N: This is sort of a follow-up to "Last Sound", a one-shot drama that I posted here a few months back. Due to the great amount of positive feedback I received on it, I decided to write a sequel from Percival's point of view, describing his thoughts after his best friend's death. This can stand on it's own just fine, so if you haven't read "Last Sound", it should still make sense. I highly recommend reading the first one though, it will give you a better idea as to what inspired this fic. Anyway, I truly hope you enjoy this!  
  
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Weight of an Echo  
  
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"Borus!!!"  
  
Her cry echoed down the hall, the sound heavy with immense anguish and desperation. The second it reached my ears, my blood chilled and even though I rushed down the corridor to the room from where her cry had emanated, I already knew what had transpired.  
  
I slowed to a stop at the door, my heart pounding. I closed my eyes for a moment, preparing myself for the sight that imminently awaited me on the other side. Struggling to find my breath, I silently opened the door and entered.  
  
There she was, on her knees, head buried in the shoulder of a corpse that had been her loyal knight and friend. His hand rested lifelessly on her back, no doubt a last gesture of comfort to his Captain. The normally strong and emotionless woman was weeping like a child, her shoulders shaking with every sob. She was so distraught that she didn't notice my arrival, even though she usually had a sixth sense when it came to silent intruders. I knew she was unaware of my presence, because if she was, she would have immediately stopped crying. She would rather die than be caught in an emotional act such as crying. Even if the tears were being shed over Borus Redrum.  
  
He had been my friend as well. My best friend. As well as my rival. Ever since we had first become knights, we were like brothers. We always competed against each other for everything, but at the same time we always looked out for each other. I had lost touch with him for several months, as he was fighting a war in the South while I had resigned from my knighthood to return to my birthplace, Iksay. However, the surprise raid from the opposing side had tragically ended in massacre of both sides, and though Zexen pulled out of it victorious, the battle had left Borus mortally wounded. The moment I heard of Borus' unstable condition, I came as quickly as I could ride my horse over in order to see Borus one last time before his fatal wounds claimed his life.  
  
Fortunately, there had been enough time for me to spend a few minutes with him. In fact, it had been less than twenty minutes before I heard Chris' cry when I had my last talk with him. Chris had come in to stay with him while I went to talk to the doctor about his condition. I was just coming back when I heard the cry.  
  
Now I just stood there in the doorway, wondering why it was that I couldn't feel anything. I hadn't yet fully accepted that he was really dead. It all seemed so surreal, and I felt emotionally numb in my lack of acceptance.  
  
After what could have been half an hour, Chris finally stopped crying and slowly stood up. For a long moment, she simply stared down at his body, and I realized she was trying to regain her composure. She trailed her hand across his forehead, brushing the stray strands of blonde hair from his lifeless features. Her head tilted up towards the ceiling as though she were saying a silent prayer to whatever deities existed above.  
  
Never in all my life, had I seen her this way before. Never had I seen her in so much pain. I wanted to say something, make my presence known, comfort her. But I continued to stare at her in silence, unable to move or speak.  
  
Then she turned around.  
  
Upon seeing me, her face became one of surprise, and then it contorted into several other expressions before she finally managed to force it into a neutral state. However, having known her for so long, I could tell from her eyes alone that she feared I had seen her episode of tears. She looked as though she wanted to ask me how long I had been standing there, but instead she looked back over her shoulder at Borus' body. She opened her mouth to speak, but she choked and not a sound came out.  
  
I lifted my hand and shook my head, signifying that there was no need to tell me what I already knew about Borus' state. She dragged her eyes back to me, and there was a heavy, tense moment where we stood perfectly still, staring at each other.  
  
Seeing the anguish in her eyes slowly began to bring the reality of the situation to my attention. I suddenly felt ill and a lump formed in my throat as she took a hesitant step towards me.  
  
As she approached I saw that her violet eyes had filled again with unshed tears. I wanted to tell her that she didn't need to hide her tears from me. But I couldn't. Because I knew that if I tried to speak my voice would undoubtedly crack.  
  
She stopped about a foot from me before hesitantly lifting her hand to rest on my arm. I brought up my other arm and put my hand over hers.  
  
After a moment, I hesitantly put my arm around her shoulders, and she willingly allowed me to pull her into my embrace. It wasn't until I was holding her head to my chest that I noticed I was trembling as much as she was.  
  
I held her for a long time, and by this point, the emotional numbness had given way to an overwhelming pain.  
  
Chris emitted a few shaky gasps, and I could tell from the increasing dampness of my shirt that she had started to cry again. I stroked her hair and held her tighter, and in response she began to sob loudly, unable to control her shaky breathing and choked cries anymore. Her legs began to give out on her, and I let her pull me down with her, still holding her head to my chest as we sank to our knees on the floor.  
  
I cried with her.  
  
I couldn't stop it, and once I started, I felt no shame in it.  
  
Knights are trained to deal with great losses, and especially knights of our stature can't afford to let every death affect us with such crippling intensity. But that is just so we can continue our jobs as knights, so that others don't lose hope by seeing their superiors in such a pained state. That's why Chris guarded her emotions so well.  
  
But in losing Borus, we had lost part of ourselves. We had lost a part of our very soul as the Mighty Six. We didn't need to function properly at the moment. I was no longer a knight, and Chris did not need to be a Captain right now. Just two close friends mourning for the loss of another close friend.  
  
I had never been this close to my former Captain before, and I would have felt like I had just committed an abomination to have taken such liberties without her permission first, except that the moment was so void of happiness and logic that the notion that I had just taken such an unorthodox action never crossed my mind.  
  
Not that the thought of holding her had never crossed my mind.  
  
Yes, I was in love with her, just as Borus had been. I had never been as painfully obvious about it though. I never told him I felt the same way about her because his feelings for her were so apparent that I didn't want to mess up our friendship by pursuing her. It wouldn't have been professional for a knight to pursue his Captain anyway.  
  
And yet, just that short while ago in Borus' hour of death, he had revealed to me that he had always known I was in love with her. In fact, he had gone as far as to say that he was infinitely sorry that he had been selfish in being so possessive of her. How he had known about my feelings towards her, I am not sure. Maybe he noticed how I looked at her. Maybe he heard the envy in my voice whenever he was chosen to accompany her on a mission instead of me. Maybe he picked up on it through the subtle changes in my voice and actions when I addressed her. Or perhaps when you are in love yourself it is easier to spot people who feel the same thing for the same person. But I guess it doesn't really matter how he knew. It only matters that he did.  
  
At any rate, I responded to him as non-comprehendingly as I could, embarrassed and thrown off guard by the topic, but he ended up making me promise to look after Chris until the end of my days. I decided I would rejoin the Zexen Knights after the funeral, so I could be there for her. I realize now that it was something I would have done anyway, regardless of my promise to Borus...  
  
In our subtle rivalry over Chris, never had I conceived that she had any feelings for either of us. This was Chris we were talking about after all - all knight, all seriousness, all business. She appeared to leave no room for romantic relationships.  
  
But as we continued to hold each other and weep, the echo of her cry at the moment of his death still rang inside my head. There was something in that fateful cry that was beyond the expected desperation and anguish. It was something that was beyond that of a Captain who had just lost a faithful knight and friend. It was something that was so clear and unmistakable, that upon the moment of realization I shut my eyes tight and tried not to let the pain overwhelm me.  
  
She loved him back.  
  
It was possible that she had never realized it, even when she had sobbed into the shoulder of his corpse. And if that were the case, I wondered, would she ever allow herself to realize it with the knowledge that it was too late?  
  
No.  
  
The pain would overwhelm her. And she needed to stay strong for the sake of Zexen. She'd bury this stunted love deep in her heart until she'd suffocated it enough to forget.  
  
And then I couldn't help but wonder.  
  
...Could I ever help her forget?  
  
...Could she ever love me?  
  
And most importantly, could I ever allow myself to love her now that he was gone? Would our love always be in his shadow? Could she and I be together without feeling we have betrayed him?  
  
No, I realized, at least, not now. Maybe not ever. It would take time. A long time. And that's under the assumption that the scars don't run too deep when we've finally healed. Only time would tell. And who knows how much time.  
  
But I would wait. I would be there for her. Always. Such was the undying love that I had for my Captain.  
  
A love that was so strong, that even the weight of an echo could not break it.  
  
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A/N: I purposely did the entire story without dialogue in an attempt to give Chris' cry the weight I implied in the title. This is actually the first time I have written anything featuring Percival. I really like his character, but I find him really difficult to write. Borus is so passionate and chauvinistic about everything that it is easy to apply his character to just about any situation, but Percival is so calm and collected that it's kind of hard to get inside his head when writing him. I hope I did a decent job of it. I think I like the first one better. What do you think? Thank you so very much for reading, any reviews will be eternally appreciated. 


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